The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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