An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
