Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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