Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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