If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
why is half of my head shaved?
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