I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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