i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
this is an emotional support booty call
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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