By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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