a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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