life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
