i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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