he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
