i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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