oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
