i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Farmville is her only friend.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
