A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
