his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
