Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
