You don't have asthma, your pregnant
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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