I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
