I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
