Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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