I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
