Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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