If i come over, it means nothing
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
