I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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