Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
