I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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