Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize