I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
