she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
