This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
