i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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