It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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