No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
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just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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