Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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