Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
