I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
