At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
