a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
