So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
