Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
