So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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