so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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