I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
