Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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