dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
