why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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