his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
