Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
