I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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