no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
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