just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
