just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
