Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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