She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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