why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
