she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
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This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
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As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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