WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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