he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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