She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
