Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
