u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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