The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
