If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
