I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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