I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
