id be glad to
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
