if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
