It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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