You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
