This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
