sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
