Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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