Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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