Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
