The maid of honor just puked.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
