Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
